Children's Hospice Week: Inspired to give back as a volunteer

“I first got involved with Demelza through the grandparents’ group, and it’s from there that I wanted to volunteer – I wanted to do anything for Demelza really, it didn’t matter what it was, I just wanted to give back to somewhere that has given me so much.

I help at events, I do the Eltham Bubble Rush every year, and I volunteer at the Gillingham shop. I’m doing all sorts – helping on the shop floor, in the back room, serving customers. I started at the Strood shop and when that closed people asked what else I might do, but couldn’t volunteer for any other charity - my heart is with Demelza.

Four years ago I lost my grandson. He spent his whole four and a half months in hospital, and the day he died he was moved from the hospital in London to Demelza, where we had a couple of hours with him before he passed. We then spent three more days with him. This was during COVID, so no one had been able to visit him in hospital - we basically didn’t see him until he came to Demelza and passed. But the memories we got to make with him, all the things they did for us while we were in that space with him – it will stay with me forever. I’ve also lost my own children in the past – I’ve lost two children and two grandchildren. When I lost my own children, I didn’t get the type of support Demeza offers, and it would have been so much better if I had. The groups that Demelza have for bereaved parents, and the events, and the memory-making - without that, I don’t know how we would have got through it all. So for me, doing anything for Demelza means the world to me.

Volunteering at events means I meet other families and that’s really nice. It’s lovely to see so many people and see different sides of what Demelza does. Working in the shop, you get talking to the other staff and you build a bond. I do feel I’ve made friends through volunteering. I still care for my own children – I have seven children and six of them are disabled and have different needs, which means that Demelza feels like the place I fit the most. As Demelza has supported me with the loss of my grandchildren, it’s helped me heal more from the loss of my own children. It’s helped me learn and understand how to help other people get through that as well, and so by volunteering for Demelza, I can give back in that way too.

Volunteering at the shop has given me new skills. Before volunteering I’d be at home with my kids 24/7, non-stop. Being with them was my role for nearly 30 years. As my children have got older and bit more self-sufficient, I’ve got more of my own time now. So instead of me being bored at home, it means I can get out, and I’m a lot healthier for it. I’ve been able to learn new skills that I didn’t have before, working on the tills, running the shop. When I first went in, they put me on the till and it was the scariest thing – I’d never worked in a shop in my life, I’d only ever used the self-service till! It was scary at first but now I can go into other shops, knowing I know what I’m doing. And I wouldn’t have that, if it wasn’t for volunteering at Demelza. I’ve been able to speak to people a lot more, without worrying they might judge me or say something – that’s completely gone. It just makes you feel at ease. That really started with the groups, even before volunteering in the shops – just going to the groups and meeting people at the events. That got me out of my comfort zone because I was doing something different.

I would definitely recommend volunteering at Demelza. I think there’s so many benefits to anything you do, whether it’s helping out at an event or doing gardening. Just to see people’s faces light up! As part of the grandparents’ group we worked on the butterfly garden, and the time and effort that went into that was so worth it just to see everyone’s faces and how amazing it looked. It just gives you that satisfaction - I did that, I was part of that.”